Life, Musings & personal

Mysterious Past

  

I think a lot. A lot goes on in my head. A lot about life and what I have been through. It’s funny when I think about the past I always remember it starting when I was at age 4 and my mom got in a huge fight with my dad , not even noticing me carrying my little baby blanket in my hands crying. Then my memory skips to when I was at age 8 and I’m at a wedding because my father was getting married to my step-mom. (As that was happening I had to figure out and concluded for myself that my parents got a divorce). 

Going back and forth visiting my mom, my dad had custody of me and my 2 older brothers. I remember some good times. Like how every time we would see her she would always take us to buy my brothers video games and buy me stuffed animals, and how she would always make us smoothies and make us laugh, And boy was I a daddy’s girl. We would dance to the temptations, and he would teach me how to cook and as young as I was he would do my hair and let me lay next to him when thunderstorms woke me up and he would defend me whenever my stepmom was yelling at me for no reason at all (she didn’t like me). 

Then my memory skips to my teen years, which was really rough for me and a real mystery, but I will say that I lost my father when I was 16 and lost my mother when I was 18. I miss them everyday and hold on to as much precious memories as I can. Some dark memories(mystery), but mostly good.

I always just wonder that when I look back on my past why do I remember what I remember and why have I forgotten what isn’t there? Why are the memories in pieces…fragments?

A Real mysterious.


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Musings & personal

Venting(1)

“How old are you again?” Ugh I hate that. The question people think they can just throw at you to get you more down, or make you feel stupid, or more bad about yourself just because your not being the person they want you to be at that time or moment.

“You need to communicate more and be open.” Ugh. First, communicate about what? me and you are communicating right now as we stand here. Second, be open about what? You’ve been around me since middle school. Be open about my life? You never ask me about my life or what I’ve been threw. Third, I know you feel you need to tell me what to do and how to be and what kind of personality I should have, but you don’t have the right to. You don’t know what I have been through to know what made me the kind of person I am today.

“Shut up!” I say. I’m blocking what you say out.                   

I guess no matter what there will always be people out there who feel they know you well enough to tell you about yourself when in reality they don’t know you at all.

Anyways, just venting. 

 

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